Oct 20, 2012- A blast from the past...

     This morning I really missed Alex, and he didn't get to my house until 10.  So I called in sick for work, because I was hoping we could spend time together.  But we had sex, then he had to leave.  After that I wasn't really in the mood to do anything, so I stayed in bed until 3, when this girl Jacayda called me, because she wanted to use my fridge to store a cake.  I said she could, and when she got to my house she was with Savannah, and he other friend whose name I still don't know.  They asked my to hang out, so I said sure, and we were going to go smoke, so I called Alex to see if he wanted to smoke with us.  Of couse, Alex was already smoking (See I swear to god, with the amount of time he spends with Mary Jane, I could call that cheating).  Anyway, he ended up agreeing to meet us at the mall with his friend Eli.  He came and we all smoked.  After he left to go meet some dude, we asked to come, but he said no.  So we decided to be creeps and follow him all the way to Brighton.  When he finally caught us stalking him, we were all the way in some weird part of Brighton.  When he made eye contact with us, we all bolted, but we ran into a dead end so he caught up to us.  He actually seemed legitimately mad, I was kind of surprised, because Alex usually never gets mad at me.   After we went to some park with them, and Alex hung out with his friends and ignored us...It was really awkward.  I wish the way Alex used to be, but lately Mary Jane is so important to him.  Honestly I swear he doesn't care if he sees me at all, as long as he sees her he is set.  Tomorrow he said he would take me to a movie, but I'm not going to hold my breath, because if I do, I will most likely end up dead.  Jon River (the last person I really loved before Alex/ Never got over) called me today.  He told me he still really loved me and really missed me, which I know to be true, because I am the one who ended it with him, because the circumstances were bad, and we couldn't be together, and even though it hurt so badly, I knew I had to walk away from him.  But him constantly popping back into my life, confuses me.  I wonder, if Jon ever did come back, if I would be able to keep my distance.  Besides Alex, he was one person who truly loved me unconditionally, even when he saw me at my worst.  But I seriously just need to walk away once and for all, but it is still hard...Ughh well that is all for tonight.