Nov 9, 2012- I am becoming the person I can't stand

     Today was was my breaking point, Alex went home from his school because his thumb apparently hurt.  When I had my free period Alex FaceTimed me, and I asked him what he was doing today, and his response was, "Well Vienna has some stupid plan for me to surprise you at the mall if I stayed in school, but I'm fucking tired and I honestly don't want to be stuck in a car with Vienna."  After this I got really angry, because I know that his stupid broken thumb is going to be yet another excuse to add to the list of reasons why he can't ever make time for me.  So I flipped out and was like if you care about me you'll come see me, you know what time I get out of school and if you care you'll be there.  After that I got off FaceTime and cried my eyes out.  He kept texting me saying he wants to see me tomorrow though.  So I finally agreed.  After school I told my mom I was going to hang out with this girl Lisa who I don't really like, because my mom tried to force me to be friends with all these people I have absolutely nothing in common with and honestly just don't enjoy spending time with.  To be honest I usually prefer to be alone, like don't get me wrong I like people and I like hanging out with friends, but for short amounts of time, then I want to be alone.  So instead I went to the mall with Vienna, someone I actually do like hanging out with.  And stupid Omar blew her off, I guess neither of us can win haha.  After that we ate food at Chipotle, and honestly after eating that burrito I thought my stomach was going to explode mexican food everywhere.  I felt so sick, let me tell ya, that burrito did NOT agree with me!   But either way we still hung out, and then we went to the soccer field because Omar wanted to see her and Juan wanted to see me.  Omar ended up pulling another no show but Juan still came.  I know Juan likes me, and he is really cute and nice, and treats me so well, so I tried to give him a chance, but for some reason everything we talked about kept coming back to Alex, it was like as hard as I tried I could stop talking about Alex, or thinking about him.  After Vienna went to look at phone cases and Juan tried to kiss me, and that was when I realized that I couldn't, and that there really is no one I want to be with besides Alex.  When I'm with another guy all I want to do is go home and call Alex.  So when I got home the first thing I did was FaceTime Alex and tell him I love him.  We didn't get to talk for long, because my bitch of a mother kept interrupting.  After I got off FaceTime with him and FINALLY got rid of my mother I had time to think while taking a shower (where I do all of my deep thinking).  I realized that I'm turning into the person I despise the most...my mother.  I am doing to Alex what she does to me, but constantly bitching at him, I'm going to end up driving him insane and making him hate me... and that is NOT what I want to do or who I want to be.