I honestly have never loved anyone as much as I love you. It is the weirdest concept in the world to think that you could possibly love someone else more then you love yourself, but I swear I would give up everything for you. But lately I feel as if this is turning into a one way street. I am constantly doing anything in my power to try to spend the little time I have with you, but you make absolutely no effort. This relationship is legitimately tearing me apart from the inside, and today was my breaking point. Today was the day where I realized how little you truly care about me, and it hurts so badly to think the one person I would give my life for treats me so badly. This morning when we were on FaceTime and I asked you if you were in Brookline or Brighton, you lied directly to my face so you didn't have to spend time with me, and after I called you on it you told me you were going to sleep for two hours then would come see me. I waited the entire day for a call that never happened. Around 6pm me and Vienna started to worry, because we thought something bad happened to you, so I called you and you ignored my phone call. Still worried I sent you a text, and when you finally responded, you responded with "hey babe I'll call you later I'm with family." The fact that everything was fine made me feel even worse, because that just proved to me that there was no good reason, you just really didn't want to spend time with me today, even though you haven't seen me in a week. I guess...It just doesn't make sense to me, because when I'm away from you I miss you, and I would do anything to see you, because I love you and I want to spend time with you. But lately it seems like you would rather be doing anything else besides spending time with me, and the worst part wasn't even that you blew me off today, it was that fact that you never even called me. I wish so badly I knew how to make myself stop loving you, because if I could walk away, I would in a heart beat, and if I could erase one moment in my life, I swear it would be the day we met. I don't know how I can possibly love someone who treats me so badly, someone who makes me pay for everything, someone who would rather be smoking pot then see me, someone who gives the shirt I went all the way to wonderland to get for them to their friend, someone who constantly stands me up and never even calls, someone who makes all these promises they never intend on keeping, someone who could careless about how I feel as long as they are happy, someone who has never done a single special thing for me because I am not important enough. And I see all these guys, who do some much for their girl friends, and I've had all these guys that have done so much for me, and looking back just makes me sad, because I want that so badly. On the rare occasion you actually do something nice for me I feel guilty, because I feel like I am forcing you to do it. I just wish I had someone who cared about me, and actually showed me, and the more and more I see all the things everyone else's boyfriend do for them, it just makes me feel worse and worse, because it makes me feel like I am not worth any of that. If I was worth it you would actually try with me, not just come see me to have sex and then bail... You would try to make me feel special, you would show me how much I mean to you, but all you have shown me is that to you I am worthless...
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