Still Oct 2, 2013- defeated

I don't know how to describe it but you know those moments where you just feel so defeated it's ineffable.  Well now is one of those moments. I used to get jealous that my family loved my boyfriend so much, but now that my mother hates him I would do anything to have those moments back.  I miss the moments when we all felt like one big family. There is no greater feeling then everyone just getting along and being happy. Thinking back to all the times I was angry with Alex for not standing up to my mother, I now see why he chose the play his cards the way he did.  There is nothing that can fix this because Alex doesn't want to just swallow his pride and apologize for what went on and my mother won't forgive without an apology.  This makes me feel very alone because I feel like I'm losing Alex. I miss him so much and don't want to have to sneak around with him.  I just want everyone to be happy again.  I tried to ask him to please just apologize even if he doesn't mean it but he won't.  I just don't know what to do. I miss him so much but it doesn't look like I will be seeing him anytime soon.  I don't really want to talk to him if I can't have him because that just makes it worse.  I think I will just take some space, because the more I talk to him the more I wish I could just be with him, even if only for a few minutes.  I run out of class like an idiot every time he calls, and pretend I have lunch so he won't hang up and tell me to go back to class... Right now I'm sitting on the swings at the park, but I am eventually going to have to go home and just go to sleep and try to forget.