October 15, 2013- looking up from rock bottom

"Stupid!" "Failure!" "Disappointment!" I swear I can see the words in my sleep. I can eat, I'm trying to be strong and hold it together at least on the outside but my insides are crumbling.  I hate myself so much and wish so badly I could be anyone but me.  I am so miserable.  Knowing I will never be good enough makes me hate myself so much, and my mothers non stop abusive words are literally tarring my apart from the inside out.  I don't even fight back anymore I just let her keep insulting me until she's feels like she has hurt me enough, because honestly I don't have it in me anymore. I feel so broken and wish nothing more then to just not exist, i truly don't know how I can possibly go on like this.