October 14, 2013- Stay or walk away?

     Today I was at Ana's house studying for the SAT's when I started to realized how in over my head I feel.  I am so stressed out with everything I have to do and everyone is coming at my from every different angle telling me how I should run my life, and I just don't know what the right decision is anymore.  My mother is constantly screaming at me and telling me I am throwing away my life and now my friends are starting to say the same.  It's like everyone has such high expectations for me and I just can't meet them... this is partly the reason I told Alex I need a break from him today, because first of all I am so stressed out I just need to be with my own thoughts, and second of all everyone says he is dragging me down and I just don't know how to please everyone, and just be left alone.  I am also tremendously afraid for what my future holds, and I am worried I will not live up to everyones standards, and be a let down to my family, friends, alex, and worst of all myself.  I am trying so hard but it seems like nothing I do is good enough and I just can't seem to figure out the answer to solve all my problems... But my life is complicated right now and having Alex in it is only going to make it more complicated for both me and him, because I will barely have time to see him.  Also I really love Alex  so much, but I am doing the same thing to him that my mom does to me and now I kind of understand where she is coming from. Loving someone so much that you just want to see them succeed.  I have to say not calling Alex has been extremely hard, because he is the only person I can turn to to make my feel better when everything is wrong.  But I guess sometimes you have to let go of things even if it hurts.  I was thinking about this question all day, is it better to be successful and alone, or nothing with the one you love.  I think the answer is nothing with the one you love, because I think even if me and Alex end up living in a one bedroom apartment someday in some shitty neighborhood I will still be happy just because I am with him, and he makes me the happiest person alive.  But everyone says this is wrong and it is just my childish mind. That I need to cut him loose and focus on the important things in life.  Since following my own advice has never really got me very far I think for once I am going to listen to someone else.