Oct 1, 2013- You get what you will put up with

     Last night one of the guys who go to school with Alex, (Ervin) was telling me about how Alex is constantly flirting with some girl named Marisol.  At this point I don't even care anymore, I was stupid for expecting Alex to not want other girls after everything that happened last year.  I confronted him and he tried to lie about if until I backed him into a corner.  Honestly I already know that Alex is going to end up cheating on me with her, because this is what always happens.  But its whatever, if he feels the need to do that to me then fine, all I hope is that he at least has a little trouble sleeping at night.  Besides the Alex shit, there is this guy Ben who I hooked up with two weeks ago...yes I know I was dating Alex at this time. But regardless, Ben was really nice. Alex was being a jerk and Ben was there to hold me and make me feel better, and his parents were actually nice and I was actually allowed to go over his house.  I ended up really liking Ben, but after the last time we hung out which was two weeks ago he just stopped returning my texts.  I thought he didn't want to see me anymore but I just found out that he is in wilderness (a rehab program for people who use drugs).  There he can have any contact with the outside world, so unfortunately I wont be hearing from him for several months.  Maybe that is why I don't care about the Marisol thing?  Because if Alex wants to treat me like crap and make some other girl feel special I have someone who will treat me well.  The funny thing is two years ago when I was hooking up with that guy Agustin, and we would sit there and laugh about how clueless his girlfriend Sid was, I just though I was winning some game.  I never thought of how Sid would feel because up until I started dating Alex I never had to be the "Sid" in a relationship.  At this point though I am pretty sure I am Sid,  and that is why it is so hard to trust Alex.  All last year everyone told me he was cheating on me and I kept telling everyone "No not my boyfriend" and every time I would ask him he would say "No baby I love you and would never do that!" and I would believe him.  At the end though it turned out everything everyone said was true and even when I had concrete proof he still couldn't even have the decency to just be honest and own up to his mistakes.  He says this year things are different, but I have no way of knowing because he said the same thing last year.  In a way things are different this year, I am at a point where I honestly don't care that much, if we break up tomorrow I will cut my losses and walk away.  That is why I made a promise to myself that if I find out from one person this year that he is cheating on me, regardless of whether he actually is or not, at that moment I am dumping his white ass and never EVER looking back again.