November 15, 2013- I've officially driving away the only person who means anything to me away

     Today I finished my book I was making for Alex, I was so excited to leave school and show him, because I've been having a pretty horrible week, and I really miss him a lot.  But he asked if we could hangout tomorrow instead since he was feeling tired today.  I just got off the phone with him and he said he needs a break from me, normally if something like this happened I would try to talk to him until things got fixed, but at that moment my heart just shattered into a million pieces and as hard as I tried I couldn't make any words come out.  And the part that broke me the most was that I was in so much pain and he didn't even seem to care or notice.  He says he is going through stuff right now, but so am I, and I thought we went through things together, that no matter how bad things got it would be alright because we had each other.  The worst part is I know this is all my fault, because lately I've been freaking out about him spending all his time with this girl Mari.  Like I know he isn't doing anything with her, but I guess I'm just jealous, because lately I miss him so much, and I wish I was the one who he spent all his time with.  And I feel so stupid, because I just wait by the phone all day waiting for him to call, and he just talks to me for 5 mins and hangs up.  I don't know why I am writing this, because writing/thinking about this has gotten me to the point where I'm starting to hyperventilate.  This isn't the kind of fight you write some Facebook status about, because you want to make a show, or because you want attention, or even just because you want someone to talk to.  I know this is bad, because I honestly don't want to talk to anyone, it hurts so badly I just want to be alone and just try to calm myself down, and fall asleep so I can forget.